I Think I'm Paranoid
by Raye
Summary: Joxer and Gabrielle sightsee in Rome while Eve battles her first case of the sniffles.


I Think I'm Paranoid   
by Raye  
summrbrez@yahoo.com   
  
  
  
Spoilers for season 5 up to "Antony and Cleopatra" (I think).   
  
  
  
  
"I Think I'm Paranoid"   
by Garbage   
  
You can look, but you can't touch   
I don't think I like you much   
Heaven knows what a girl can do   
Heaven knows what you've got to prove   
I think I'm paranoid   
And complicated   
I think I'm paranoid   
Manipulated   
  
Chorus:   
Bend me, break me   
Any way you need me   
All I want is you   
Bend me, break me   
Breaking down is easy   
All I want is you   
  
I fall down just to give you a thrill   
Prop me up with another pill   
If I should fail, if I should fold   
I nailed my faith to the sticking pole   
I think I'm paranoid   
Manipulated   
I think I'm paranoid   
And complicated   
  
Chorus   
  
Paranoid   
I think I'm paranoid   
  
Chorus   
  
Steal me, deal me, anyway you heal me   
Maim me, tame me, you can never change me   
Love me, like me, come ahead and fight me   
Please me, tease me, go ahead and leave me   
Bend me   
Break me   
Any way you need me   
As long as I want you baby it's all right   
Bend me   
Break me   
Any way you need me   
As long as I want you baby it's all right   
  
  
  
  
"You really think Eve'll be safe here?"   
  
"Safer than Greece. The only thing she has to worry about right now is   
that cold she picked up," she said absently. They'd gone over their   
decision to remain in Rome a dozen times or more. Right now she was only   
interested in one thing--getting as far away as she possibly could from   
the Foro Boario. She didn't care what they called it, cattle markets were   
not among her favorite places.   
  
Gabrielle and Joxer walked cautiously alongside rows of scaffolding in   
various heights. They said this amphitheatre would be the largest in the   
world. It certainly cast a large shadow. The darkness created by the   
half-formed structure stretched midway into the piazza. The vendors would   
appreciate the shade more if it lasted until midday, but by then the sun   
would be beating down on them from overhead and the only comfort to be   
found would be under the Arch of Janus. It had been quite the sight to   
behold her first day in the strange city.   
  
"Hello? Gabrielle? Joxer?" She and Joxer turned in unison to find a   
familiar face dart above the crowd briefly as the small man bounced on his   
heels to keep his eyes on the couple. They'd met Eldred on their first   
trip through the crowded forum. After speaking with them for a short time   
and finding that they were strangers to the eternal city, he had left his   
bushels and pecks of produce to the attention of his daughter and insisted   
on showing them around the area. He'd also made certain that Xena had the   
best of everything that he could provide that would help Eve through her   
first cold.   
  
"Hey! Where you go today, my friends?" Eldred cried good-naturedly as he   
broke in between the pair and threw an arm about each one in turn.   
  
"Uhm...actually, we weren't really sure." Joxer looked behind Eldred's   
back and shrugged his apologies at Gabrielle. They'd planned on a more   
leisurely day than they would have with the boisterous man, but he was a   
wonderful guide, and he seemed to enjoy trying out his Greek on them. She   
lifted a shoulder and rolled her eyes in hopes of conveying her "Aw, what   
the heck" attitude.   
  
Eldred, oblivious to the exchange, continued on happily. "Good, good. I   
help you then." His Greek was broken, but his enthusiasm came through loud   
and clear. "We go this way, heh?" He began pushing them forward and soon   
they were walking along listening eagerly to the man's ongoing commentary.   
  
  
They had stopped in front of a many-columned temple as Eldred told the   
tale of the twins, Romulus and Remus, their escape from infanticide, and   
the eventual founding of the city. Gabrielle listened intently, Eldred was   
a wonderful storyteller and the tale was one close to their hearts at the   
moment. At the end of his narrative he turned to the temple before them   
and explained to them that it was the Temple of Vestal. "It's one of the   
most sacred places in Rome. The priestesses here keep the fire of Rome's   
life force burning at all times. It has never gone out, and never will go   
out as long as there is a spark left in the heart of this great city." He   
waved a hand in front of them after finishing his impassioned speech. "But   
I go on."   
  
She laid a hand on his arm and smiled. "You should be proud, this is a   
beautiful city filled with wonderful people like you."   
  
"You are too kind. What do I do? I show you a few things in town, tell you   
a few stories...Ah, but I've nearly forgotten a good one, eh? This one's   
good." He started to walk around the temple, but paused and turned to   
them. "Follow me..."   
  
"I hope it's a stand that sells that pasta stuff, I'm starving," Joxer   
said.   
  
"Shh," she whispered in return adding an elbow to his midsection for   
emphasis. He rubbed at the tender spot below his breastplate and looked   
surprised. "Sorry, but be quiet. We'll eat soon." She grabbed his arm and   
started for the spot she had last seen Eldred.   
  
They found him at the side of the temple. He was stooped over looking at   
its outer wall. Gabrielle joined him dropping to her haunches. Joxer edged   
in between the two and rested his forearm on her shoulder. She barely   
noticed. If someone asked her, she wouldn't be able to say when the   
aversion had ceased to exist.   
  
"Some say that this isn't just a drain," Eldred began. He pointed to the   
large circular stone shaped to resemble a human face, the mouth of which   
hung open to allow the water to pass. "Rome has an elaborate drainage   
system, very good," he continued, "but this one...they say it is special.   
They call it 'Bocca della Verità,' the Mouth of Truth. Eh? You put your   
hand here." He demonstrated by placing his hand in the gaping mouth. "And   
if you lie...Vrump! It is gone!" He brought his arm back to reveal an   
empty sleeve. He wiggled his brows as he pushed his hand back through the   
cloth. "See? I no lie," he laughed. "Let's see you do it," he coaxed.   
  
She looked up at Joxer. "You're closer," he declined with eyes widened.   
  
She rolled her eyes at him "Fine." She placed her fingertips into the   
mouth.   
  
"No..no!" Eldred said. "No cheating. The whole hand." He pushed her hand   
in until only her wrist showed. "Now, what do you say, eh? We make it easy   
on you," he said with a wink to Joxer. "Say you no love him."   
  
"Uhm..." Joxer began.   
  
"Gabrielle drew her hand out. "But I don't." She laughed uneasily.   
  
"No?" Eldred questioned. "But I thought...I'm sorry." He shook his head.   
"The way you...I thought. Very sorry." He straightened up. "You try   
something else then."   
  
"No, Gabby. Say it." Joxer dropped to his knees beside her. "If it's true,   
if you don't love me, nothing will happen."   
  
"Heaven knows what you've got to prove, Joxer. My luck hasn't been too   
good lately, that's all. I'm just a little paranoid. Let's see you do it,"   
she said.   
  
He reached out and edged her hand back into the drain with his. "I love   
you, Gabby."   
  
She closed her eyes and tried not to feel the warmth of his hand covering   
her own. She tried to think of how ridiculous this all was. She tried to   
think of how she and Xena would laugh about this later. She took a   
steadying breath and said, "I don't..." She opened her eyes and looked at   
him. "I don't..." She closed them again, opening them only when she had   
turned to face the Mouth of Truth. Eldred's shadow fell over them as he   
leaned in. "I don't... like sailing. This is the stupidest thing," she   
added as she yanked her hand from the opening. "I can't believe people   
would--"   
  
Joxer stood up and looked down at her.   
  
"Don't do that," she ordered.   
  
"What?"   
  
She pushed against her knees forcing herself up. "Just don't" She pushed   
past him and began to walk back to the piazza.   
  
"Okay. I won't do...whatever it is you don't want me to do," he agreed, as   
he followed her retreating form.   
  
"No wonder I think they married," Eldred shrugged in confusion. "They are.   
They just don' know it."   
  
The End.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
Author's Note: Thanks to Melanie for the great lyrics and to Billy Wyler,   
Gregory (my first name's really Eldred) Peck, and Audrey Hepburn for   
creating _Roman Holiday_. My sincerest apologies for my blatant rip-off!  
  
The Bocca della Verità is real. It is located on an exterior wall of a   
small ante-room of the Church of Santa Maria in Cosmedin. The Mouth of   
Truth is believed to have been an ornamental drain dating from ancient   
Rome. It was moved to the church at a later date. It is also thought to be   
a fertility symbol. So what was it doing in such close proximity to the   
vestal virgins, I ask?   
  
Oh, and the Colosseo? Wasn't even thought of yet, but this is X:WP where   
you can pick any year, decade, century and fly with it. So there. : p   
  
  
  
  
"Xena: Warrior Princess" is ©MCA/Universal and Renaissance Pictures.   
"I Think I'm Paranoid" written by Duke Erikson & Shirley Manson ©1998   
©2000, Raye. Reproduction, adaptation, or translation without prior   
written permission is prohibited.   
This is not for profit. Copies for personal use only must include all   
copyrights and disclaimers.   
  
  
  
  
  
  



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